The Red Notebook, Comparison, and Remembering What Truly Matters

How Comparison Can Pull Us Away from Inner Peace

Yesterday, while walking along the beach in Mandelieu-la-Napoule, I found an old entry in my little red notebook.

Written on one of the pages were the words:

"Sha'ama to rei, Elu'kai sohen."

The moment I read them, something within me softened.

Earlier that morning, I had been sitting on the beach watching families. Mothers were playing with their children. Some seemed calm and relaxed, while others appeared overwhelmed and exhausted.

As I watched them, I noticed myself slipping into comparison.

I began thinking about my own years as a mother and immediately found myself focusing on what I once considered my "mistakes". I place the word "mistakes" in quotation marks because today I see them differently.

They were not mistakes.

They were experiences.

They were choices made with the awareness, resources, and understanding I had at the time.

Yet I noticed how quickly the mind creates stories and comparisons.

Every Journey Is Unique

In that moment, I realised how unnecessary comparison truly is.

Every person walks a unique path.

Every family carries its own story.

Every decision is made from a particular place in time, shaped by individual circumstances and understanding.

Back then, I acted with the best intentions I could.

Yes, there were moments when I felt overwhelmed.

Yes, I carried fears.

Yes, I worried about doing things wrong.

Recently, my daughter told me that she often experienced me as quiet and sometimes a little sad during those years. And she was right.

I spent a lot of time comparing myself to others.

I was afraid of making mistakes.

I often believed I wasn't enough.

Today, I can see how much energy was tied up in those thoughts.

Choosing a Different Story

That morning on the beach, I made a conscious decision.

I no longer wanted to focus on perceived failures.

Instead, I wanted to remember.

The laughter.

The joy.

The sparkle in my children's eyes.

The countless moments of love that existed alongside the challenges.

The mind often remembers pain more easily.

But the heart remembers truth.

A Message from Summer 2025

The Red Notebook

As I opened my red notebook to write down my reflections, I discovered notes from the summer of 2025.

They read:

Sha'ama to rei

– I open myself to the Origin.

Elu'kai sohen

– The light of the Source flows into my heart.

Reading these words touched me deeply.

They reminded me that our most meaningful memories are not stored in the mind alone.

They live within the heart.

The notes in my red notebook feel like seeds.

Seeds of remembrance.

Seeds of trust.

Seeds of inner peace.

The Geometry of Being and the Gift of Stillness

Among the pages, I also found notes about the Merkaba, the upper and lower tetrahedron, and the point where they meet.

Last year, I found myself on a path of remembrance.

A journey of recognising the geometry of my own being.

The different aspects of consciousness.

The polarities.

And the sacred meeting point between them.

Last year was a year of perception and discovery.

This year feels different.

This year is a year of stillness.

And I have come to understand that stillness is not the absence of growth.

It is often where integration happens.

Not every season asks us to seek.

Some seasons invite us to embody what we have already discovered.

The Essence Remains

As life changes, something remains constant.

An essence.

An inner knowing.

A connection to Source.

Today, I continue to allow that light to flow into my heart.

I allow the memories to remain alive within me.

Times change.

Life changes.

We change.

But the essence of who we truly are remains.

Perhaps the purpose of the journey is not to become more.

Perhaps it is to remember what has always been there.